Time leads us

So today is actually a very important day to me. Today is my Grandma Cecilia's bday. She would have been 73 today. She passed away a few years back. We were very close. A lot of times I think back and say, "I should have spent more time with her", and, "I should have done more with her". The spirit of regret pours into me a lot, leaving me feeling broken. Now we can do that all we want, or we can change our thoughts and think of all of the great experiences we had with her.

If I know my grandma right, she would hate me for regretting and always bringing myself down in that manner. I know for a fact that she would want me to think of the great times that she and I had together. The time that she brought me my first guitar from the Philippines, and taught me how to tune it. The many Christmases that we sat by the tree and sang carols (i.e. Silver Bells). The times when I would make her mad and she would swear at me in Filipino, haha, but I never knew it. The times when I would sing at church and would make her proud. The times that she would make my brothers and I breakfast and we would never eat the stinky fish she always brought with the garlic fried rice and fried eggs and spam. The time that I was singing 112's song, "Cupid" in my room, dancing, and spinning like I was performing like Usher, and I turned around and she had been watching me.

I know that she would want me to remember her this way. Since I wasn't able to go to her funeral in the Philippines, it was hard for me to find closure. I feel terrible because the day the last day I saw her, I didn't even say goodbye. I had the chance and I just told myself, "I'll see her next time". Even now sometimes I feel like she's still there, hanging out, and she hasn't come to the states to visit in a while. Some day I will go there and visit her grave. But for now, whenever I play the guitar, i'll always remember her. And I know that's what she would have most wanted. Happy birthday grandma.

RIP Uncle Jimmy. I pray that you don't have to miss her anymore, but you're together now.